A halfway there scare & our trip to the hospital

  I was ecstatic to be over the halfway hump because you could start seeing my halfway bump.  It didn’t last for very long though before I was scared something was wrong.  At 21 weeks, I started having severe sharp right flank pain followed by diffuse abdominal pain.  I was able to withstand it for one day at home.  I went to work the next day thinking that it was just gas pain, constipation, or simply baby trying to make room in my small torso for it to grow.  I did the most mom thing a girl could do, and I went to Facebook for Facebook answers from women who had gone through pregnancy.  They all agreed that it could be gas or constipation, but many still said to go get checked out.

  I said I’d wait.  I’m a nurse, and if you don’t already know, we make the worst patients.  We often wait too long to be seen, and when we are seen, we demand our care to be nothing less than stellar.  As I was driving home from work that night, I barely made it home without tears in my eyes.  I barely lifted myself out of the car and into the house.  I thought a shower and Tylenol would make a difference.  I tried simethicone and docusate to see if it would help kickstart things.  I knew it would take a few hours before I felt any different, so I told my husband we’d try to make it through the night.

  I got out of the shower and couldn’t stand up straight.  I cried, and I cried hard. The pain had become so unbearable that I had my husband stop everything he was doing so we could go to the hospital.  I was running through all the things it could be, right lower quadrant pain, guarding, tenderness… Appendicitis? Cholecystitis?  Where were my organs anyway now that my uterus was an inch above my navel? Do these normal signs and symptoms still apply to a pregnant lady?!  (You can see how nurses think, I guess.  Our minds are basically our own WebMD.)

If you have anything in your gut telling you to go get checked to make sure baby is okay, GO GET CHECKED. Don’t try to be strong because that’s how you were before you got pregnant. You’re not just thinking about you anymore, you have to think about baby. Follow your intuition as a mother and be safe!

  When I got to the Labor & Delivery unit, I was seen by an OBGYN and general surgery.  They wanted to rule out the two things I thought it could be.  They admitted me for observation and further testing.   They tried to get an MRI on me, but I couldn’t stand the procedure due to the pain.  I was so afraid of what the outcome could be, especially since I’m pregnant.  The worst possible scenarios kept playing through my mind.  Until we came to a conclusion after seeing an ultrasound showing that I have hydronephrosis.  Totally normal in pregnancy around this time due to the growth of the uterus and displacement of the ureters.  Unluckily for me, I had a little sprinkle of kidney stones.

  I’ve had kidney stones before.  They’re awful.  There’s some belief that passing kidney stones is just as painful as giving birth, just not as rewarding at the end.  I spent four days in the hospital for pain management and hydration to try and flush out the stones.  Nothing.  Just sediment accompanied by a lot of pain.  I asked to be discharged because I didn’t want to do the invasive procedures they were talking about, especially with baby on board.  So I’ve been on convalescent leave and I’ve been struggling with managing pain at home.  Being on oral pain medications, I’ve had to maintain a very strict schedule so I don’t become overwhelmed with pain.  I thought that I could wean myself off of my discharge medications, and that was the worst idea.  I didn’t sleep and neither did my husband.  The pain is still hard to control.  I can’t walk very far without my right flank feeling like I’m being shanked from the inside.

  As long as there’s nothing else wrong with me, I’ll power through this for baby.  We’re exhausted all of the time.  My movements throughout the house are very short and always take the breath out of me.  As if pregnancy wasn’t already getting harder with my growing belly.  But hey, I’m just taking it one pain pill at a time.

Trip To Busan | Our escape from the hustle and bustle of Seoul

Back in May, Sean and I decided to take a spontaneous weekend trip to Busan.  Busan is a city located on the southeastern part of the Korean peninsula.  It’s been popularly known for the zombie film Train to Busan, which I still have not seen.  We were going to take the train, but we like traveling with our car since it gives us a little more freedom with where we want to visit.  It’s about a 5-6 hour drive from Seoul, which isn’t bad considering the traffic getting out of Seoul.

  We stayed at Lotte hotel, which wasn’t bad because it was near so much stuff in the city already.  Outside of the hotel was two streets lined with street food carts.  Unfortunately, we didn’t get to try any because by the time we went out, everything was so busy.  We ended up eating Korean BBQ at a place near the hotel, and it was still so delicious.

  Honestly, it’s pretty hard to remember what we actually did in Busan since it’s been so long.  Our first stop was Taejongdae Cliffs. We didn’t spend too much time there because it was extremely hot, and I was no in the attire to climb any type of cliff. We took a walk along the pier, and then moved on with our tour of the city. Most of our morning we spent baking at Haeundae Beach.  It was a little strange for us at first because everyone that was there was covered head to toe.  We were a little hesitant to strip down to our bathing suits because we would be the only ones, but we did it anyways.  Asians are quite the opposite of Americans when it comes to tanning.  They admire porcelain white skin because it shows that you’ve got enough money not to work in the field all day (where you would get dark).  We’re obviously very Americanized Asians, haha.

  After trying to withstand the Korean heat, we packed up our things and went to Gamcheon Culture Village.  It’s a colorful village that sits on top of a hill where everyone goes to see the colorful houses of Busan that overlook the sea.  It was relatively crowded at the time that we went, but not so much where you were constantly bumping into people.  There are a few hidden alleyways that you can go up to get better views from the rooftops of the houses. Then for dinner, we decided to check out their massive fish market! We had absolutely no idea what we were looking for, so we chose a few fish and a live octopus and had it cooked for us. It took me a VERY long time to eat the octopus because it was still squirming on the plate! The crowd around us at the fish market was fun to watch. They ate everything. They ordered so much food, and they had A LOT of soju going around. It’s funny because it’s always groups of old people that go hiking, and then by mid-afternoon, they’re all drunk.

  We were extremely lucky that it didn’t rain on us during the one full day we had there.  Driving there and driving back to Seoul, we were traveling in downpour rain.  It definitely is a trip worth making if you have a free weekend in Korea and want to escape the hustle and bustle of Seoul!

8 Ways to Calm When When Anxiety Attacks

Your nerves start shaking, your palms are sweating, and your heart is racing. You don’t always have to suffer through anxiety when it decides to overwhelm you. Take charge of it, and be productive.

Anxiety is nothing new to me. I’ve always put so much pressure on myself, and life has been very overwhelming. I remember when I was in high school, I was sitting in my science class and my boyfriend at the time laughed because I got a B+ on a test. I didn’t find it amusing. I started crying in the middle of class because I had put so much pressure on myself to achieve perfection, that being even slightly off mark made my nerves twitch.

After my brother passed away, I had more and more difficulty concentrating in school and I became more and more rebellious. It came to a point where I completely withdrew from my social circles. After my best friend Jacob passed away, I remember being at home and suddenly freaking out. My boyfriend at the time was on Skype and didn’t know what to do. So I got my mom on the phone and she called for an ambulance to come check on me. They took me into the clinic via ambulance and it came down to me having an anxiety attack. Those happen often. My breath gets knocked out of my chest, and my lungs seem to shrivel up to the a size of an infant’s. Beads of sweat start dripping down my face and my back. My hands get cold and clammy. Tunnel vision in full effect as my head gets dizzy. Anxiety attacks are never fun - but you don’t have to get to that point! Here are some tips that I’ve learned over the years to help prevent an attack once you start getting that aura.

Find peace in chaos

1. Deep breathing and muscle relaxation (AKA Meditation!) - The first thing that Sean usually makes me do is breathe with him. When he’s with me, he places my hand on his chest so I can feel him breathing slowly and I try to match it. When he isn’t there to do that with me, I use my watch to help queue my breathing. Another helpful app that I’ve used is Headspace! You can choose the length, and I only have the initial free version and it works just fine for me. When I was working with my mental health specialist, she taught me to contract parts of my body one at a time, and then release after a deep breath. This helps the body feel naturally relaxed because you’re tensing up. It doesn’t work for everyone, but it’s always worth a try.

2. Working out - Instead of relaxing your muscles, you can go and get a good pump in! This is my number one, sure fire anxiety attack prevention. I know it seems butt-backwards to take a scoop of pre-workout and pumpers while trying to prevent an anxiety attack, but once I get into the gym and start lifting, my focus is unbreakable. It’s the only place where I have a one track mind. This helps your body release natural endorphins that make you happy!

3. Go-All-Out Bubble Baths with a nice glass of wine - Traveling in the opposite direction again towards relaxing. I love it when Sean and I go to Lush and buy bath bombs. I don’t take very many bubble baths, but I always go all out when I do. I pour a glass of red wine, play chill music, and let the bubbles eat away at my troubles. Sitting in the warmth just helps to relax any kind of tension in my body, and I always feel like I can take a nap afterwards!

4. Using your phone-a-friend token - When I get really overwhelmed, I always cash in my phone-a-friend token, and it’s usually to my girlfriend Susanna or my hombre Stacy. Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you and help talk you through it. There’s nothing better than feeling like someone is there for you even when you’re in your lowest moments. The biggest thing to remember is that you don’t have to carry the weight on your own.

5. Having a 10-minute dance party to your favorite throwback jams - This is definitely self-explanatory. Screw that 10-second dance party crap from Grey’s Anatomy! Throw on your favorite throwback album, jam out. Do your 1-2 step, get crunk, shake ya’ tailfeather girl, I see you over there!

6. Going out to a café with a good book or your headphones and enjoying a cup of coffee - I find that I’m always calm when I can sit in a café with my headphones on, a caramel macchiato, and my laptop just browsing other blogs. There’s something comforting about being surrounded by people but not knowing anyone. Everyone is there just minding their own business, but they’re all participating in the same activity of sitting in that café. I could sit in a café for hours if I could.

7. Animal therapy - Like I said in my first blog post, my anxiety seems to dissipate the second that I touch my dog Okami. Read my blog here about how Okami helped me out so well. It’s the most comforting thing to know that she will give me unconditional love. No matter how long I am gone, no matter what I look like, no matter how I do at work, she will always love me for who I am. Animals seem to understand us more than we give them credit for.

8. Get out and TRAVEL! - This may be an expensive way to get away from your anxiety, but it definitely works for me. Every time I feel like I have a lot of built up stress, I find a cheap ticket to a place I’ve never been before and I emerge myself in another culture. Traveling doesn’t always have to be expensive either, it can be to the next city over for a daytrip. I guess this only works if being in an unfamiliar place isn’t something that makes you anxious though.

There are so many things that you can do to relieve your stress. Some people love to be loud and boisterous to get their nerves shaken up, others like to be calm and quiet. Some people can knit for hours, and others play video games. As long as it works for you, keep doing what you do. Just remember you aren’t ever alone, though you may feel that way now.

Love, Jaclyn & Co.

My Dearest Lemon Baby

We’ve been bonding now for almost 14 weeks, and with every passing second I love you a little bit more. I never thought that I could feel this much love for something I haven’t met yet, but I do. I’ve been at the bedside of many women giving birth to their babies, seen hundreds of ultrasounds, and have taken care of newborns, but nothing in this world has compared to the feeling I get when I see your photo. Nothing makes me feel happier than when I think of seeing you move in my tummy, growing every day.

You might be wondering why we call you Lemon Baby. Well, your daddy has made it his duty to make sure mommy doesn’t get crazy stretch marks on her tummy, so he does our post-shower ritual of rubbing burt’s bees mama bee products all over you. One of the oils smells like lemons. I can’t wait for you to start hearing so you can hear his silly little songs as he does it. I really hope you don’t grow up sour or grumpy!

I can’t wait until we can start to feel you move. This pregnancy has felt like an eternity due to how sick you’ve made mommy, but it also feels like it’s going so fast. I wouldn’t mind having it slow down a little so I can cherish you a little bit longer.

Say hello to the world little baby. We all love you so much already.