We're back baby - with big updates

Well, damn, it’s been a minute. I always say I’ll come back to this, but honestly, I wasn’t having much luck figuring out what to post. Everything just seemed so… monotonous. I wouldn’t say things weren’t happening. We had a lot of growth as a family, myself as an individual, Maverick as a Kindergartener, etc. It just didn’t feel (sorry) worth writing entire chapters about. Everything became so muddled with redundancy.

Giving Ted Bundy but I promise to keep you alive.

Well, that’s no longer the case. I moved into a new job as a Nurse Practitioner. My career is off to a good start in a supportive clinic with great personalities and a very open/teaching vibe. I don’t feel belittled there, and I actually enjoy asking questions. My day starts and ends at the same time. I rarely stay late, and I rarely feel burnt out after leaving. I have been trying my best to leave work at work. Sometimes I do put myself down. It’s hard for me to think of myself as a clinician. It’s hard for me to accept that I can call the shots - mostly because I’m still terrified to call the shots. When I have tough days with tough patients, I leave second-guessing myself. There is no amount of UpToDate or OpenEvidence to help me get through it.

Luckily - I’m surrounded by a team that believes in me and understands what it’s like to be the new kid on the block. I’m also fortunate to have the opportunity for a residency that helps cover things that are commonly (and the more common “zebras”) seen in clinic. It’s helpful after feeling like all of the information I learned in school suddenly dropped out of my brain after passing boards.

No matter what though, it’s a learning journey on practicing medicine - people make honest mistakes - as long as we own up to them, fix them when we can, and continue to do our best… I promise not to get burnt out and tell people that castor oil in your belly button or bathing in hydrogen peroxide will detox your body. That’s why we have kidneys guys. Let’s keep practicing evidence based medicine + leave non-credentialed, unlicensed wellness influencers in the past.

OKAY LOVE YOU BYEEE.

Big girl strides into 2026

I don’t think I would believe myself if I were able to tell myself from one year ago, that I would actually be happy. It’s not even a “yeah I’m in a better place than before” kind of happy (although I definitely am). But I am genuinely happy. I wouldn’t say that everything is the best it could be, but it definitely has me looking through a more positive perspective.

This year, I quit my job. My extremely toxic, degrading job - one where I really felt like it would be the last straw to break me. Except it didn’t. I thrived. I got through school while navigating that monstrosity. I passed my boards, even though the “LeAduRshiP” did a fantastic job of making me feel stupid. And I got hired at one of the happiest workplaces I’ve ever been. And honestly, I didn’t think that I would be working in a women’s clinic with all women staff. There is something so empowering about it.

So if I could go back and tell myself something, I would say to keep sticking it out, because the bridges we’re about to burn are going to light the way to something even better.

>:)

What am I even doing...

I reset this blog last year in September, and here I am again, coming in late. I guess it isn’t too bad. It’s been a little under a month since my … last post? I really need to get back into writing. I remember when it used to be my outlet while I was spiraling through life. But then again, I didn’t have too much time to write anyway. After spending the past couple of years in school, I was overwhelmed by homework and lectures. It felt odd to listen to music during my breaks (when my brain would allow it). I felt like I had to be “on” at all times.

I could benefit from going back and listening to lectures, though. I did lose access to my Osmosis subscription, but whatever. At least I know I’m not the only one who isn’t working as an NP right now after graduation. I’m finally closing in on the end of my employment here as an RN, and I am almost as excited as I was when I was getting my DD214.

This clinic almost made me quit the healthcare field. I have never been surrounded by so much negativity, laziness, and foolishness before- and I’ve been in the military, serving alongside 18-year-olds. Luckily, the floor nurses made it bearable. They are the ones who really kept me sane and helped me get through it all. I’m sad I’ll be leaving them. I wish I could bring most of them with me. But it’s time to grow up and be a big girl provider… I guess.

Well, another catch up to do.

It’s crazy that I reactivated this account back in September 2024, but I’m just now getting back into blogging. I guess an entire catch up is overdue.

I’ve moved to Washington and we’ve decided to settle down as a family, for now. We bought a beautiful house on a greenbelt, and foggy mornings with the sun peaking through are becoming one of my favorite things.

Maverick is a rambunctious five year old with all sorts of talent. He’ll talk your ear off if you let him. He’s got the craziest stories and is not afraid to tell a few fibs (and admit to them right after) to keep your attention. He breakdances with Massive Monkees, he just won Most Valuable Bboy at an event, and he won’t stop dancing for anyone.

We have a new dog, her name is Megumi, and she’s an American Akita. She’s crazy, loving, and can be very overprotective. She’s still learning to keep her teeth to herself and tends to pick on our big mama, Okami. We’ll set her straight though…

Sean and I are happily navigating life as we figure out the next steps now that I’ve GRADUATED with my FNP degree and I am officially board certified! Pending any job offers, I am currently trying to maintain my sanity at my current job. I definitely feel like this place has driven me back into dark spaces of my brain, but I refuse to go down without a fight.

I’ll figure my life out eventually. I do miss writing…

It's been awhile...

It’s been a very long time since I’ve written anything. It almost felt like I didn’t need to write anything down and I didn’t need to express what I felt through writing. But I won’t be letting myself go down that route again. I refuse to turn around and lose the progress I’ve made with my mental health. I did not fight my way out of depression through extensive treatments, medication changes, and ongoing therapy just to have a group of people kick me back down. I refuse.

I don’t even know how to write about anything yet, but I’ll find my voice again.