8 Ways to Calm When When Anxiety Attacks

Your nerves start shaking, your palms are sweating, and your heart is racing. You don’t always have to suffer through anxiety when it decides to overwhelm you. Take charge of it, and be productive.

Anxiety is nothing new to me. I’ve always put so much pressure on myself, and life has been very overwhelming. I remember when I was in high school, I was sitting in my science class and my boyfriend at the time laughed because I got a B+ on a test. I didn’t find it amusing. I started crying in the middle of class because I had put so much pressure on myself to achieve perfection, that being even slightly off mark made my nerves twitch.

After my brother passed away, I had more and more difficulty concentrating in school and I became more and more rebellious. It came to a point where I completely withdrew from my social circles. After my best friend Jacob passed away, I remember being at home and suddenly freaking out. My boyfriend at the time was on Skype and didn’t know what to do. So I got my mom on the phone and she called for an ambulance to come check on me. They took me into the clinic via ambulance and it came down to me having an anxiety attack. Those happen often. My breath gets knocked out of my chest, and my lungs seem to shrivel up to the a size of an infant’s. Beads of sweat start dripping down my face and my back. My hands get cold and clammy. Tunnel vision in full effect as my head gets dizzy. Anxiety attacks are never fun - but you don’t have to get to that point! Here are some tips that I’ve learned over the years to help prevent an attack once you start getting that aura.

Find peace in chaos

1. Deep breathing and muscle relaxation (AKA Meditation!) - The first thing that Sean usually makes me do is breathe with him. When he’s with me, he places my hand on his chest so I can feel him breathing slowly and I try to match it. When he isn’t there to do that with me, I use my watch to help queue my breathing. Another helpful app that I’ve used is Headspace! You can choose the length, and I only have the initial free version and it works just fine for me. When I was working with my mental health specialist, she taught me to contract parts of my body one at a time, and then release after a deep breath. This helps the body feel naturally relaxed because you’re tensing up. It doesn’t work for everyone, but it’s always worth a try.

2. Working out - Instead of relaxing your muscles, you can go and get a good pump in! This is my number one, sure fire anxiety attack prevention. I know it seems butt-backwards to take a scoop of pre-workout and pumpers while trying to prevent an anxiety attack, but once I get into the gym and start lifting, my focus is unbreakable. It’s the only place where I have a one track mind. This helps your body release natural endorphins that make you happy!

3. Go-All-Out Bubble Baths with a nice glass of wine - Traveling in the opposite direction again towards relaxing. I love it when Sean and I go to Lush and buy bath bombs. I don’t take very many bubble baths, but I always go all out when I do. I pour a glass of red wine, play chill music, and let the bubbles eat away at my troubles. Sitting in the warmth just helps to relax any kind of tension in my body, and I always feel like I can take a nap afterwards!

4. Using your phone-a-friend token - When I get really overwhelmed, I always cash in my phone-a-friend token, and it’s usually to my girlfriend Susanna or my hombre Stacy. Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you and help talk you through it. There’s nothing better than feeling like someone is there for you even when you’re in your lowest moments. The biggest thing to remember is that you don’t have to carry the weight on your own.

5. Having a 10-minute dance party to your favorite throwback jams - This is definitely self-explanatory. Screw that 10-second dance party crap from Grey’s Anatomy! Throw on your favorite throwback album, jam out. Do your 1-2 step, get crunk, shake ya’ tailfeather girl, I see you over there!

6. Going out to a café with a good book or your headphones and enjoying a cup of coffee - I find that I’m always calm when I can sit in a café with my headphones on, a caramel macchiato, and my laptop just browsing other blogs. There’s something comforting about being surrounded by people but not knowing anyone. Everyone is there just minding their own business, but they’re all participating in the same activity of sitting in that café. I could sit in a café for hours if I could.

7. Animal therapy - Like I said in my first blog post, my anxiety seems to dissipate the second that I touch my dog Okami. Read my blog here about how Okami helped me out so well. It’s the most comforting thing to know that she will give me unconditional love. No matter how long I am gone, no matter what I look like, no matter how I do at work, she will always love me for who I am. Animals seem to understand us more than we give them credit for.

8. Get out and TRAVEL! - This may be an expensive way to get away from your anxiety, but it definitely works for me. Every time I feel like I have a lot of built up stress, I find a cheap ticket to a place I’ve never been before and I emerge myself in another culture. Traveling doesn’t always have to be expensive either, it can be to the next city over for a daytrip. I guess this only works if being in an unfamiliar place isn’t something that makes you anxious though.

There are so many things that you can do to relieve your stress. Some people love to be loud and boisterous to get their nerves shaken up, others like to be calm and quiet. Some people can knit for hours, and others play video games. As long as it works for you, keep doing what you do. Just remember you aren’t ever alone, though you may feel that way now.

Love, Jaclyn & Co.

My Dearest Lemon Baby

We’ve been bonding now for almost 14 weeks, and with every passing second I love you a little bit more. I never thought that I could feel this much love for something I haven’t met yet, but I do. I’ve been at the bedside of many women giving birth to their babies, seen hundreds of ultrasounds, and have taken care of newborns, but nothing in this world has compared to the feeling I get when I see your photo. Nothing makes me feel happier than when I think of seeing you move in my tummy, growing every day.

You might be wondering why we call you Lemon Baby. Well, your daddy has made it his duty to make sure mommy doesn’t get crazy stretch marks on her tummy, so he does our post-shower ritual of rubbing burt’s bees mama bee products all over you. One of the oils smells like lemons. I can’t wait for you to start hearing so you can hear his silly little songs as he does it. I really hope you don’t grow up sour or grumpy!

I can’t wait until we can start to feel you move. This pregnancy has felt like an eternity due to how sick you’ve made mommy, but it also feels like it’s going so fast. I wouldn’t mind having it slow down a little so I can cherish you a little bit longer.

Say hello to the world little baby. We all love you so much already.

The hardest secret we had to keep, but did we even keep it?

I hope my baby inherits my calves…

I’m not going to lie, the first trimester has been the roughest 3 months of my life.

We found out that we were pregnant very early on. We had hit 5 weeks the day we found out; two days before we were taking off for Mexico. I remember joking with Sean before we took the test, I’d look down at my tummy and say, “you gotta let me know if there’s something in there, I gotta know if I can drink tequila or not!” So when we found out that tequila, or any form of alcohol, was off the table, it was time to brainstorm what white lies we were going to tell everyone as to why I was not partaking in festivities. I know this sounds silly, but whenever we get together with these friends, I’m usually one of the people yelling “shots!”

Facing the Crowd

When we arrived to my sister-in-law’s villa, everyone was there. The first thing that people started asking Sean and I were about having a baby. It really blew my mind when my mother-in-law came up to me, touched my tummy, and asked, “is there something in there?” I was so shocked that I didn’t know how to respond, so I ended up trying to laugh it off and say no. Sean was approached by Justin’s mom and she asked him if I was pregnant, same response: laugh and say no. I knew that I had tipped Justin off when he poured a round of shots for everyone, and he tried to give me one and I used Madeline as an excuse to not participate. He gave me the look. The look that said, “I know you’re hiding something now.”

“Ya’ll were pretty obvious in Mexico lol.” Okay - so we didn’t do a great job, haha!

No hiding feeling crummy

I definitely tried my best to maintain a good attitude during the entire trip, but my body was taking some pretty bad hits. I was extremely tired, which I’m sure was a mix of jet lag and pregnancy, and our long layovers. I was also extremely nauseous (which I have been for the duration of the first trimester). I didn’t eat as much as I wanted to because things started to taste different already. At my sister-in-law’s wedding, I left on the early shuttle home because I just couldn’t take the nausea, and ended up throwing up. We tried to play it off like I was “way too drunk” and “way too tired” to function, but those who were really paying attention knew, and were really helpful in helping me home. I took a lot of naps during this trip, like I do every day now.

12-hour shifts are for the birds

My very least favorite thing was returning to work for a few days before I started preparing for my leave to come back to the states. Headaches, nausea, and a lot of vomiting at work. It made it difficult to work with patients, but thankfully, they were all new mothers that had just given birth and knew exactly what I was going through. I had the help of my co-workers to take the load off when it got really bad, and was sent home early because the vomiting had just become so hard. I am so thankful for the staff at Brian Allgood Army Community Hospital’s MSP ward. They were so supportive of my messiness, and I am forever grateful.

So, how did I actually hide it? Or did I even do that?

I don’t think I did a very good job at hiding it. I felt crummy my entire first trimester, and I’m sure everyone noticed. My sister-in-law told me that everyone kept asking her if I was pregnant, and she would just deny it for us. I’m sure it’s easy to hide your pregnancy if you aren’t feeling like crap 24/7, but that was not the case. We told our immediate family that we were expecting, and as of our last post, we told the world. Pretending to have drinks with friends by drinking ginger ale with limes or a fake margarita may hold you over for awhile, but not for long. Also, I constantly am rubbing my tummy because I just love knowing my babe is in there with me.

So here’s to the second trimester, and may it be easier than the first.

Baby Sison coming March 2020!

WE ARE EXPECTING A BABY COMING MARCH 2020!

New adventures awaiting us in March 2020!

This has literally been the hardest secret to keep from the public, although I’m sure many of our friends have already had their suspicions for quite some time now. Here’s to the first blog dedicated to my baby and how I have been crawling my way through my first trimester.

Sean and I had been trying our entire year in Korea, and with every month that passed, and every visit from Aunt Flo, it became harder and harder for me to handle every month. So when July 2019 rolled around, I wasn’t expecting much. We were gearing up to take leave to attend a wedding in Mexico, when I joked to Sean saying, “wouldn’t it be funny if I got pregnant? The one time that I’m going to prepare myself to party, and I can’t even do that?” We laughed and were lighthearted about it, but as the days passed, I started to feel different.

I track my cycles like the Mayans track the days using the Clue app. I know when I’m ovulating, I know when my period is coming. Every leg cramp, every stomach ache, every pain in my boob. Maybe that’s TMI, but hey, I’m going to be a mom and privacy is going out the window with every appointment! The symptom I couldn’t wrap my head around was my boobs feeling “heavier”. Ever since we started trying to conceive, I’ve read almost every article possible on “how to tell if you’re pregnant'“ and breast tenderness was my #1 suspicion for baby. I told Sean I didn’t feel right, and he said that we should wait until the day before we leave for Mexico to take the test. He went back to work down South for one day, and that day I got up and still didn’t feel right. I got up out of bed and took the test by myself.

It took him awhile to look at it, but when he saw it, his reaction was everything to me <3

TWO. FREAKING. LINES. CHANGED. MY. LIFE.

I was stunned for a second. My heart was racing and I just didn’t know how to take it all in by myself. I knew that I wanted to take it without Sean because I never get to surprise him, and this was one helluva surprise! I told him that I wasn’t feeling well, and asked him if he could come home that night. It was a giant mess trying to get him home because of a story I’d rather not go into detail with (in short: he was conned by a Korean, asshole.) But before he got home, I got everything set up for a reaction video which will be posted soon. Our lives changed that day. Everything I thought I knew about wanting to become a mom flew out the window. All my nursing knowledge, all the information I read before on how to conceive no longer mattered, because I was pregnant now! It was a new level, I had to read new things.

It’s been one crazy, emotional roller coaster. I’m not lying, Sean has a running list of the things that make me cry. This includes a bubblegum commercial, pancakes, and a stuffed hedgie. Everything makes me cry. I’m just glad that I’m not going through this alone. Sean and I are finally going to live together here in Texas, and it’s been so nice having him around every day. All day sickness has not been kind. Dizziness is sometimes unbearable. Living in the giant oven that El Paso is has been killer on me. But I’m not alone. I’m never alone now. I have my little babe in my tummy, and every day we grow a little bit closer together.

Photography: Northern Lily Photography

Guest Post: A story of a girl and her three angels

       We moved to Texas at the end of May that year (2017) and my husband and I agreed that I would wait 90 days to apply for new jobs in the event that i fell pregnant, as we wanted to start a family.  If, at the end of that 90-day period, I was not pregnant, I would go back to work.  We had this discussion around June 1 and on July 7, i took a positive pregnancy test. 

       In this post, I am trying to shed some light on miscarriage.  Sure, we are told that it is common, as if that should make it less painful.  But, to anyone who has ever wanted to be a parent and experienced that glimmer of hope held in a pregnancy test, you know that a miscarriage isn’t just ‘something’ that happens; it’s a significant loss.  And it needs to be okay to grieve that loss like you would any other family member who died. 

       My story starts in July 2017.  I found out i was pregnant on July 7.  My husband was at work, so after I took several positive pregnancy tests, I went to target and bought dry-erase markers and a ‘best dad ever’ mug.  Then i got to work decorating our bathroom so that i could surprise him when he got home from work for the evening.  It’s thought that we conceived this baby on or around june 18th, so i found out i was pregnant, i was only about two weeks along.  I had my first doctor’s appointment at 8 weeks and 6 days along.  The ultrasound tech. Couldn’t yet hear a heartbeat, but we got to see the flicker of it and we were able to see our baby wiggling around like crazy! Our second appointment was at 13 weeks and while we didn’t have an ultrasound, the doctor used the doppler to find the baby’s heartbeat.  It was the most perfect sound i’d ever heard and i teared up pretty instantly!  That day, we got the “ok” from the doctor to share our news with family and friends, as the baby was active, had a strong, fast heartbeat, and even though I wasn’t showing yet, my uterus was expanding in a way that the doctor thought was very positive.  The next day, Joe (my husband) and i started our drive back to pennsylvania.  After four months, we decided that texas wasn’t the best move for us.

       That weekend after we got settled, we drove with my dad to visit Joe’s parents.  We told them all that we had gifts for them (belated fathers’ day gifts for our dads and a belated birthday gift for Joe’s mom).  Inside the gift bags were grandpa t-shirts for the guys and a Nana photo frame for Joe’s mom.  They were all so excited for us and we couldn’t wait to tell everyone else we knew!  Five days later, Joe and I announced our little blessing to the social media world. 

Two weeks later, our world came crashing down around us.  On October 9, 2017, I started spotting in the afternoon.  I know spotting in pregnancy can be normal, but something didn’t feel right.  Shortly after that, I started to feel cramps, kind of like period cramps, but in my back.  I called my OB and the on-call nurse advised me to go to the ER immediately, just to make sure everything was alright. My husband and I headed to the hospital and we hardly had to wait before we were seen.  A nurse practitioner and a nurse came in to try to find the baby’s heartbeat,  They struggled with the doppler for about a half hour before they tried to assure Joe and I that we shouldn’t freak out yet, as a baby under twenty weeks (I think that’s what they said) can have a difficult-to-find heartbeat since it is so small.  

       Shortly after the two women tried to find the heartbeat, an ultrasound tech. Came in and did an ultrasound.  The screen was faced away from us, so we never got to see our baby.  The technician couldn’t tell us anything, so we had to wait for the radiologist to look at and a doctor to come tell us what was going on.  About an hour later, the on-call OBGYN came in and delivered the news that our baby had no heartbeat.  I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage, as the baby was likely dead inside me for 3+weeks and my body didn’t recognize it.  I had a D&C (Dilation & Curettage) scheduled for the next morning. 

     The next day, Joe and I had to fill out our baby’s death certificate.  We didn’t know a gender yet, so we had to guess.  We both thought she was a girl, so we went with that and named her Margaret Kay, the only girl name that we both absolutely adored.  We decided to start trying to conceive again around Thanksgiving 2017.  I found out I was pregnant on December 16, 2017, so likely, this baby was conceived the first or second week we had talked about.  I was scared when I tested positive but I was also so, so excited and hopeful that we’d get our rainbow baby (a live birth following the loss of a baby due to miscarriage, still birth, or neonatal loss) since two miscarriages in a row is rare.

  For two weeks, Joe and I were on top of the world.  We told his parents and my dad about the pregnancy at Christmas time, as well as our siblings and closest friends.  I was so excited to start the new year happily, following a couple months of hell-on-earth.  New Year’s Day, I woke up not feeling great, but attributed it to not getting much sleep the night before. Later that afternoon, the cramps started.  My heart began thumping and I was scared to go to the bathroom, for fear of what I might discover.  I went to the bathroom and felt it happen before I even sat down.  Without going into graphic detail, I miscarried on New Year’s Day 2018. 
       Our most recent loss occurred on December 27, 2018.  I found out I was pregnant on November 11, 2018.  I cried my eyes out at first and was in extreme panic for about an hour after I took that test.  Obviously, I was overjoyed and in love with the little baby inside of me, but after two miscarriages and no answers about why, I was scared about the outcome.  I chose to not Tell anyone I was pregnant except two of my closest friends and my counselor.  I did not want anyone to know until at least got halfway through the pregnancy.  

     On Christmas night, Joe and I agreed to tell his parents that we were expecting again.  Shortly after that, we all went to bed.  As I was going to the bathroom, I noticed some spotting.  Over the next two days, it got worse.  I was about 95% sure what was happening, but held onto the 5% hope that the spotting, which had turned into full-fledged bleeding, was normal and our now-11-week-old baby was healthy and growing normally.  Joe took me to the emergency room the night of December 27.  I had a long ultrasound and after waiting way too many hours, we were delivered the news, that yet again, I was experiencing a miscarriage; the ultrasound showed no heartbeat.  The doctor was concerned about a possible molar pregnancy (when there is another object in the uterine cavity that could be totally benign or it could be indicative of cancer).  Because of that, the doctor at the E.R. called the local Women and Babies hospital and explained the situation.  The on-call doctor there wanted me to come over immediately.

  At this point, it was 2 am and I just wanted to go home and grieve by myself and with my husband.  We went over to the other hospital and were met by several nurses.  I sat in the initial exam room for two hours before the doctor came in and explained that if this was in fact a molar pregnancy, heavy bleeding could occur, so she didn’t want me to go home before she could perform a D&E (same as a D&C except they add suction from a vacuum).  I was admitted to the hospital, took a quick shower, and was able to take a nap from about 8 am to 10:30 am.  I had the procedure done at around 12:30, got back to my room around 3 pm, was able to finally eat and drink something, and after some observation from the nursing staff, was discharged around 5:30.  Joe and I went home, yet again, without a little baby in my belly. 

     And that, friends, is the story of my three miscarriages.  In loving memory of Margaret Kay (6/18/2017-10/9/2017), Paul Joseph (11/27/2017-1/1/2018), and Grace Genevieve (10/28/2018-12-27-2018).

  Surprisingly, since the miscarriages my husband and I have become closer.  I think much of that was due to the fact that we both supported each other when we were at our most vulnerable.  Everything, aside from actually being pregnant, we have done together, from taking tests, to telling loved ones, to going through the feelings that come with recurrent miscarriages to all of the testing we’ve experienced, etc.  Sure, we argue about insignificant things, but overall, I think both of us have grown closer as a couple. 

  The only truly positive things I have found that have come out of these terrible losses is the immeasurable support from family and friends.  We have received flowers, cards, memorial jewelry and key chains, candles, pieces of art, and other small tokens that show just how loved our babies were, and not just by Joe and me.    

   Over the past almost-two years, I have come to realize that I struggle a lot with trying to balance mourning our losses and celebrating their very brief, yet impactful lives.  Some days, I experience gratitude that I got to love three little babies so deeply.  But, on anniversaries, due dates, and Mother’s/Father’s Day, I 100% mourn.  I hope by the 5-year mark, I’ll be able to be more happy than sad.  

  Overall, I think the biggest piece of advice I can offer to others who have experienced loss and/or infertility is, it’s okay to be sad or feel angry.  Negative feelings are normal and totally okay to experience.  Secondly, don’t give up.  I don’t mean to be cliché or anything, but getting support while trying to conceive is super important.  Reach out to doctors, talk openly to your partner, seek out counseling to process your feelings, etc.  Find a higher power and lean on them for strength when it’s hard to find your own.

Note from Okami & Co: We really want to thank Anna for being so brave in sharing her stories of loss. We deeply understand how hard it is for a couple to go through this tragic experience. We only wish the best for Anna and Joe, and hope that they see their rainbow soon.

About Our Author:  My name is Anna Lesher.  I have my Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology and Master’s in Mental Health Counseling.  Until May 26, 2017, I worked as an outpatient drug & alcohol counselor.  I absolutely loved my job, my coworkers, my clients, etc.  I was good at what I did and I could see a future long-term in counseling, especially with adults dealing with substance use disorders, trauma, eating disorders, and personality disorders.  While I was counseling, I was actively involved in our county’s anti-heroin task force, which helped bring awareness to the opioid epidemic that is running rampant in the area.  I also enjoyed taking walks with my husband and dog and listening to self-improvement audio books.  Follow Anna’s journey on her blog HERE.