Did You Hear That? | What it’s like living with auditory hallucinations

  In 2016, I was doing my psychiatric ward rotation at Sacred Heart in Spokane.  We were learning about schizophrenia, and how auditory and visual hallucinations were very common.  When we were told that we were going to be doing an exercise that required us to wear a set of headphones that played a demonstration of auditory hallucinations, many of the girls were hesitant.  I was not.  I was not hesitant, because it was not the first time I had heard auditory hallucinations before.

  After my brother had passed away, for the first time ever, I had heard voices.  At first, I thought it was other people around me talking about me.  It wasn’t until I realized that even when I was the only one in the area, I would still hear voices.  I didn’t know what hallucinations were at the time, I was still young.  I was fifteen.  All I knew was I was afraid of what I would hear, so I always had music on, and it would make it better.

  To this day, I have auditory hallucinations, but it’s the first time that I’ve been open about it since learning about it in nursing school.  And honestly, it’s not that bad all the time.  Half of the time, I’m able to ignore it all together. 

 You can’t always tell what they’re saying

  The voices I hear aren’t always clear.  Most of the time it’s just garbled and muffled sounds.  When I do hear them, they’re not always mean.  Sometimes they just tell me that people are watching me, or they know my secrets.  Sometimes they say that I’m going to get hurt, or I’m going to be in danger if I go in somewhere.  It’s hard to not listen to the voices sometimes, but it’s not always as scary as it seems.

 It comes and it goes, it’s never constant

  It’s not like the voices are constant.  I’ve found that I hear them more often when I am under a lot of stress or there is an event that triggers something from my past.  It’s gone more often than you’d imagine.

 I named my voices so I wouldn’t feel too afraid of them

  My friend’s name is Billy.  I named him Billy from Billy and Mandy.  I’m Mandy, and Billy is just some bozo I bring around because I can make him do things.  Although it’s just a voice in my head, giving him a name to me doesn’t give him power, it gives me power.  Power to tell him to hush when I need him to hush.  The first voice I heard I named Billy.

 When I’ve had enough alcohol, I yell out at them

  I don’t typically like to drink too much alcohol nowadays.  I’ll have a beer or two now, and I’ll try to call it quits.  I’ve noticed that when I do end up drinking more than usual, I tend to yell out that Billy is not happy at all.  I also yell at Billy because he tends to become very overwhelming when I drink.

You can live with them

  I know it sounds scary with that last comment, but it really isn’t difficult to live with them.  Some days are worse than others, but most days are fine.  Throwing on some of my favorite music, and staying busy is what keeps the voices at bay.  I’m still a very functional adult, even with a few extra voices in my head.

Why We Decided to Elope in Secrecy

We wanted to be able to enjoy our time together as a newly wedded couple, not spend it taking photos with people we barely talked to.

   First off, I want to tell my husband happy 2nd anniversary and I love you!

  When I was younger, I always pictured myself being walked down the aisle by my daddy.  I wanted big flower arrangements along the aisle, with white seats, and a floral arch at the altar.  I thought of all the destinations I could possibly have this wedding so all my extended family could attend.  But the more I grew up, the less I envisioned those fantasies, and the more I envisioned just my husband and me.

  There’s something about having something as intimate as an elopement ceremony.  Of course, there’s pros and cons to having an elopement, but we definitely think that the pros outweighed anything bad we could think of.

Your love can be celebrated intimately

  I truly believe that something as intimate as a marriage between two people should be the focus of the event.  It’s about celebrating your love and finally coming together to form an unbreakable bond.  I feel like so much time gets put into planning big weddings, that you almost lose focus on why you’re planning such a momentous event.

You don’t need to worry about the guest list

  We had seven guests at our wedding.  Seven.  There was no need for any more than that.  We enjoyed the company of our parents, godparents, and my sister-in-law.  There was something special about being able to celebrate with the people who supported our love.  Although my dad was unable to attend because he was currently at another overseas location…  It also eliminates the difficulty of having to go through a massive list of people that you rarely talk to.

You don’t have to spend money on unnecessary items

  Giveaways?  Nope.  Center pieces?  Nope.  Candies?  Nope.  A DJ?  Nope.  You don’t have to skim Etsy for any of the weird, non-essential wedding pieces if you elope.  None of that matters.  The only things that are going to matter are the things you want to fill your day with.  You want to have that fancy breakfast with your family?  Go for it.  You want to spend a little extra money on your elopement photographer?  Do it.  No one ever keeps shot glasses with your initials on it anyway, so why waste the money?

You can spend more money on a destination wedding

  We did our destination elopement wedding in Copenhagen, Denmark.  It was relatively expensive for us because of the money conversion, but as far as expenses for elopement versus a wedding?  Nothing compares.  Our wedding turned into a vacation for our family, and we were all able to enjoy the city together.  We were married in the Copenhagen Wedding Chapel at their city hall, and it was just beautiful seeing all of the couples there ready to say their vows to each other.

  I’m not trying to talk down big weddings.  If it’s for you, then it’s for you.  If you had one, then I’m betting it was one of the best days of your lives.  Especially if you’re sitting here disagreeing with everything I’ve been saying.  I’m just saying that for those who are introverted like myself, elopements are the way to go.  It’s just you and your partner, till death do you part.

How to travel Europe on a budget

Have you ever scrolled through Instagram and find yourself completely awestruck at the beauty of the posts you see from Europe?  You know the person in the post.  They’re just your average joe, not a high visibility influencer, not a celebrity.  For all you know, you make just as much money as they do because you work together!  Traveling Europe doesn’t have to be expensive.  It certainly won’t be the most lavish trip, but it can be the most memorable one, and here’s how you do it.

Map where you want to go

  It’s almost overwhelming thinking about all of the places you want to visit in Europe.  There’s the Eiffel Tower, the Swiss Alps, Neuschwanstein (aka the Disney Castle), and more…  I’ve found that the easiest way to figure out how to travel for cheap is to map where you’re going ahead of time.  “Doing things on a whim” doesn’t work well because in Europe, timing is everything.  Many people don’t realize that Europeans have a culture where everything is closed on Sunday.  You may not know certain holidays or religious observances that may occur in Europe.  Plus, if you’re planning ahead, then there is a chance you can purchase tickets online, so when you get to the venue, you can just stroll on in instead of waiting in the lines!

  It also helps because if you’re mapping out attractions you really want to visit, then you can see which country you need the most time in, where you book your hotel in a strategic location, and the best method of transportation!

Ryan. Air.

  One of the best things that happened to me in Europe was discovering what RyanAir was.  RyanAir is basically the cheapest flights you’ll find to travel Europe.  When you’re booking your international flight from home, then use your big carriers like Delta or Lufthansa (LOVE LOVE LOVE both!)  Once you’re planning your flights from country to country, then use RyanAir.  Their flights can cost anywhere from 12 Euro to 100 Euro, and you’ll usually get the cheaper end!  You can even plan multiple flights in the same booking!

Backpacking the entire trip

  I find that the one downfall to booking RyanAir for all of your flights is that it cost money to have a check in. Ryan Air does allow one carry-on suitcase and a personal item for no charge.  So if you can manage to fit your travel into a small suitcase (INSERT DIMENSIONS) and a small backpack, then do that!  It adds up when you start trying to have a check in because they run up to 40 Euros each flight!  Plus, it’s less of a hassle to find cars big enough to fit a check in luggage.  Many of the cars you’ll end up renting are eco-friendly smart cars, and you definitely can’t fit more than one in the trunk of those vehicles.

Hostels, hotels, and Airbnb

  If a budget is your biggest concern, then just cross hotels off the list!  Hostels are the cheapest places to stay in Europe, unless you’re traveling with a well-sized group where everyone is willing to chip in for Airbnb.  Hostels can be a place where you meet a bunch of new friends or even the love of your life.  Airbnb apartments in Europe can vary from being cottage homey to downright modern living.  With chic comes price, so be mindful if you want a really nice Airbnb with a great location, it’s going to cost you much more.  I only resort to hotels when I’m traveling with Sean because that is one of our favorite experiences to review.  If you’re looking to find cheap hotels, then try using Hotwire!  Just be mindful that Hotwire will only put you in the location, not in a specific hotel.

House Wines/Beers

  The best part of being in Europe is knowing that every restaurant most likely has a house wine or beer on tap.  For the record, beer is cheaper than water in most restaurants.  Water will come to you in bubbly form unless you tell them “flat water” or “no gas”.  But try the house wines!  They’re much cheaper than the bottled wines, save those for when you want to buy it for your room.  Restaurants tailor their wines to fit their menu more than a bottled wine does.  Plus, who can say no to a cheaper drink that’s just as good?

Travel for the experience, not for the ‘Gram.

  Most of us want to show that we can live a lavish lifestyle, but if it truly isn’t in your budget, then why force yourself to spend more money than you have?  Most of the things I’ve done have given me a full stomach, a nice buzz, and great friends.  Travel because it fills your heart, not because it empties your wallet!

Her Version: Surviving the Distance

Living apart from your significant other isn't always easy. There are many obstacles that you need to overcome as a pair in order to have a lasting relationship. It tests your limits with each other because you need to develop a deeper sense of trust with each other. It takes away the entire physical aspect of your partner, allowing you to really get to know who they are as a person and pick at their every thought. Being in a long distance relationship isn't for the feint of heart. It requires a lot of team work, communication, and understanding to be together, even when you're living miles apart.

  Even though there are definitely some difficulties with being in a long distance relationship, remaining open minded and looking toward the positive side has always helped me get through it. Michael and I have brainstormed on what the top five things we do for or with each other to keep our relationship healthy.

Open and honest communication.

There is nothing that can kill a relationship faster than not being open and honest with each other. Michael and I have had our struggles in the beginning with communication. I've learned a great deal from Michael when it comes to being more patient. You have to make sure that your partner isn't on the other side of the world worrying about your safety, or whatever it is you're doing. Being thousands of miles apart always leaves room for uncertainty, and it's in your best interest to make sure your partner has nothing to ever worry about. If there's something that is bothering you, then you have to make sure you express that to your partner so they know. A talk that you should consider having is a talk about how you best communicate. Michael and I have had to talk about how we best communicate with each other, and it's helped us when we've found ourselves in the heat of our small arguments. Knowing how your partner is when they're upset, and how you can best help them through it is very important. Being apart makes it easy to push it off and ignore each other, which doesn't solve anything.

Understanding that each of you still need to grow.

The upside of living apart from your partner in your younger adult years is that you have room to grow into your own person. Your partner isn't there for you to rely on every day, so it forces you to be independent. Your young adult years are where you should be finding out who you are as a person, so make sure that you utilize this time appropriately. You can build a better you, so when the time comes that you and your special person can live together, then you've got a solid foundation for yourself, and you two can continue to build together. It gets hard because during your young adult years, you grow and change fairly quickly. You learn what you do and do not like in a person. So this goes back to open communication. Learn about each other daily, and motivate each other to be the best you two can be. That's what #relationshipgoals should be.

Picking up a hobby to help pass the time.

Let's face it, you've gotten really good at knowing how to do time conversions for that special place in the world. When you're just waking up, your partner is going to bed. Well, that's the case for Michael and I. Maybe you're lucky enough to only be a few hours ahead of your partner, but it still doesn't help pass the time. Blogging is how I'm helping pass my time, which is why I want my blog to be successful! Other ideas to pass the time include working out, joining a club or a sports league, cooking, or my favorite, traveling! Anything you do that takes your mind off of your significant other being away will work. And this works out great because you'll always have something new to talk to them about!

Making sure they know they're a priority.

The hardest thing about long distance is making sure that your partner knows that they're a priority in your life. I've seen relationships that were strong when couples were together, but fell apart when they became long distance because either one or both partners didn't prioritize each other. You have to make sure that they know that even though they're the furthest away from you, they're still the closest one to your heart. Your partner is emotionally invested in your every word, because that's what your relationship is built on. It is not built on the physical aspect of seeing their beautiful face every day, it's built on the small things, like phone calls, texts, and letters. Showing them that they are important to you is the one thing that will keep your relationship soaring.

Showing that you care with letters and care packages.

And finally, the material part of the relationship! Michael and I are big on letters and care packages. When Michael was deployed, we were very adamant about our letters to each other. Receiving something in the mail is always a great feeling. It shows that you decided to take the time to go through the hassle of sending something, even if it's just a letter. This is time that you invest in your relationship, which says more than just a simple text hello or phone call. It's also an unbeatable feeling when you receive something that you know came packed with love by your partner's hands. But remember, the best care packages are the ones where you deliver yourself!

  Of all the things that Michael and I do to keep our relationship exciting and healthy, these are the top five ways him and I have been able to get through the distance. What are some other things that you've done with your partner to help you stay close?

His Version: So Close, Yet So Far

If you are unaware, my wife and I do not live with each other.  This is not by choice.  Being in the military, you don’t have much of a say in where you live or when you’ll be gone.  I’d say the majority of our relationship has been apart.  When we lived in Washington, we were six hours apart because of her college.  After she graduated and returned to our home town, I deployed for 6 months.  And before I returned from my second deployment the next year, she moved to Germany.  Now, we are both living in South Korea but we are still a 3 hour drive apart.  This is the best living situation we’ve had for some time now.

But distance is not entirely a bad thing. Distance can help keep your relationship fresh!  Since we spent a majority of our time apart, we tend to cherish our time together.  Not a minute is wasted and we make the most of our time when we are together (unless our plans for that day is to just be lazy and watch Netflix).  It’s always easy to come up with things to do when your time is limited, but what can you do in order to keep the love alive when you’re apart?  There’s plenty.

Pizza anyone?

When we were in Washington, I spent ¾ of my time either deployed or training in another state.  During our short talks she would always complain about being too busy to do anything, even too busy to eat!  So, I’d order food to her place without her knowing.  What kind of food? Her favorite of course! Pizza!  Who doesn’t love pizza?  I’ve done this even while deployed overseas.  I would order pizza through an app and have it delivered to her door whenever I wanted.  In the special requests, I’d always ask them to draw or leave little messages for her on the inside of the box.  It’s the little details that show you’ve put some extra thought into it.

Bedtime stories! Bedtime stories!

We are typically never in the same time zone.  And if we are, we are usually on different shifts.  I’d be on nights while she was on days and vis versa.  Our talks would usually be when someone is going to bed, while one just wakes up.  We one day decided to tell one continuous bedtime story, when I say continuous, as in we have built a story so in depth that we are still telling story today. It’s usually about our stuff toy, Ninja, or our hedgehog, Oshwald.   They travel the world, fight the bunny cartel, and sell bunny flour.  The use of our imagination together helps us build lots of inside jokes and make us always look forward to bedtime.  Eventually, we want to turn them into children’s books.  Well, maybe adult children books similar to the ones at Urban Outfitters do to it’s content.

Snail Mail – The Future of Communication

Texting, calls, and skype are a staple of all long-distance relationships.  For us, it’s a daily routine.  All our time outside of work is spent on some form of communication.  We even sleep on Skype so it feels like we’re sleeping together.  Don’t get me wrong, I cherish every moment I spend talking to my wife.  But it’s nothing special.  Remember that feeling when email first came out and you were super excited that someone messaged you?  Or when video calls were suddenly a thing and everyone wanted to be in the same chat room.  You can make every message you send to your spouse have that same effect.  How?  Through snail mail!  It’s so easy to communicate now-a-days that no one puts the extra thought into actually mailing your loved ones something. Since we both travel so much, we always buy postcards from all the different places that we’ve been and send them to each other, just to show that they’re still in our thoughts even when we’re apart.  That’s something a text can’t live up to.

 I’m sure there’s plenty of other ways you can show someone you love them, these are just the a few samples of what works for us.  If you have any other ideas that can help shorten the distance, let us know and leave it in the comments!  We’d love to try it ourselves and it could help one of your fellow readers!  Thanks for reading and good luck!