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Where do we stand with all that is going on?

I feel like this post is something I’ve been wanting to write, but honestly… I’ve been so nervous to say the wrong thing or be misunderstood. So I’m going to preface this post with: I’m trying to learn. As a non-black person of color, I do have experience in what racism is like, but definitely not to the extent that Blacks have had to deal with. Trying to find the right words to relay how I feel about all that’s going on is hard. I’ve been ear-deep in podcasts, and I’ve probably read more history this past week than I had to in high school.

There’s so much that goes into the movement for equal rights and against police brutality. Far more than what I could learn in a couple of weeks.

It’s hard to even try to find where to begin. As a second-generation immigrant, my parents moved to the United States in search of a better life than what they had in the Philippines. Both of my parents joined the military and made sacrifices to make a better life for our family. America is where it’s at, right? Then why does it seem like life is just a tad bit better living elsewhere? I’ve lived overseas more than half of my life, to include the Philippines, Germany, Japan, and Korea. I remember when I was a kid, everyone would get so hyped to fly back to the states for vacations, me included. Filipinos break their backs over work visas or school visas just to come to the states, and I’m sure that’s the case for other countries as well. It’s the land of opportunity where you can “chase the American dream”. Well I want to inquire with y’all…

What the fuck is the American Dream? Cause I know this ain’t it.

Making something out of nothing? Pulling yourself up by your boot straps to keep on truckin’ along? Fake it until you make it? Big house with a wrap around porch and picket fence? I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. What I do know, is when I pictured the American Dream, I didn’t picture it being so much harder for BIPOC to achieve the same goals that non-BIPOC people have. I didn’t picture a life where people were rude to each other because of you having a little more melanin and a lot more curl to your hair. I didn’t picture the bullying, segregation, and discrimination that still happens today. And I think that I’ve gotten so complacent on policing people for their discrimination. It’s sad to see that it’s a norm for BIPOC people to be treated differently. Well, I notice it, and I admit to have had the thoughts: “I guess this is just the way things are.”

I feel awful not doing anything because “it’s just the way things are"

Graphic by @KristinaMicotti

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I’m done being complacent, and it’s time to use my voice and stand up for equality.

I think this covert-racist behavior is so deeply rooted in my upbringing of literally being white-washed with Papaya whitening soap and Eskinol that I’ve just accepted this stupid socially-made hierarchy of skin color. And I think that’s why I have to start with myself and changing my behaviors. It’s active work to become an ally for Blacks.

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I learned a lot when I became an Equal Opportunity Leader back in Korea, and that’s when I began looking into my biases that I kept in “my bag". It’s time for me to empty that bag. I do appreciate all of my friends who have been posting helpful articles, websites, movies, documentaries, and various resources to learn from. What I do know is that police brutality is very real and it can be very scary at these protests that have the potential to turn violent. I know that so many people did not deserve to die the way they did at the hands of people who are employed to protect the community. I know that the life my Black brothers and sisters lead are different than my own, and I don’t want them to have to raise their kids to “be a certain way” so it “doesn’t happen to them.” That’s fucked up.

That’s not the kind of world I want my son to live in. Looking back at these MLK Jr. photos and Civil Rights Movements, you’d think that it was way before our time… but it wasn’t. For some of our grandparents it could be a “seems like it was just yesterday” kind of story. It’s time that a proper reconciliation happen.

Listen to what BIPOC have to say. Fight to end police brutality. And say their names.

Graphic from NPR Code Switch, “A Decade of Watching Black People Die”

We can fight this together.

It's Halftime: Mental resiliency tips for rallying during 2020

I read a meme the other day on Facebook saying how 2020 was different levels of Jumanji, and it’s crazy how accurate that feels. So let’s do a lil recap on some of the events of 2020:

• January: Almost WW3

• February: Australia is up in flames; Maverick enters my world

• March: Coronavirus takes over the world; Toilet Paper becomes gold

• April: Kim Jong Un in a vegetative state rumors; scared of the Auntie that will take over NK

• May: Murder Hornets from Hunger Games released to keep it lively

• June: Ebola: the Sequel & #BLM movements

It’s been a lot to take in. It seems like just yesterday, everyone reconnected over the interwebs due to social distancing and lock downs across the globe. Now it seems like everyone is more divided than ever. The news and social media can be exhausting if it’s all you look at. While it is important to stay informed of current world events and the status of our country, it’s also important to be able to take a moment to reground and recenter yourself.

Mental resiliency is so important if you want to keep yourself from burning out.

Unplug: Take a night off from all social media and news

It’s so much easier to say than it is to do this. You want to be connected. Going through the pandemic, we’ve become even more glued to our social outlets. Which is another reason why it’s a good idea to take a break from it sometimes. Put the phone down and take a breath. Rest your eyes from that ridiculous blue light that gives you life from the moment you wake up to right before your close your eyes for bed. Constant exposure to traumatic events can really take it’s toll on you.

If you’re out there trying to fight the good fight, you need to take care of yourself.

Watch a lighthearted movie or listen to feel-good music

Whenever I don’t feel good, I throw on a sing-a-long movie like any Disney classic. Right now, Maverick has been pretty happy watching Mulan, so that’s the one we go with. Or we’ll play Bruno Mars on Google Play and just dance. Music has this amazing ability to put you in a different mindset.

(Safely) gather with friends and laugh

Sometimes all you need to do is get with friends and just laugh about things. Remember with all that is going on, it is still okay to be happy with your friends. I know that when as a nurse, me and my friends have experienced some pretty sad shit together. The job gets crazy and overwhelming at times, and we literally have to laugh our way through it. If we didn’t, I doubt that any of us would be in this career field still.

Meditate

It’s so much easier said than done to sit still and not think about anything. With the overwhelming amount of information coming at you, it’s hard to redirect your thought elsewhere. Apps such as Calm or Headspace are really great to provide guided meditation. Or even throwing on some chill lo-fi music and just sitting in a room staring out the window can be super helpful as well. If you want to take in the next step further, make an account on doyogawithme.com and take some free yoga classes. Focus on nothing but your breath and the muscle you’re stretching.

Seek therapy if the events have become too overwhelming

Everything you’re going through right now is valid. Whether it’s battling the health crisis of COVID-19, or realizing how close racism is to your home. Whether it’s you personally experiencing it, or if it’s a friend or family member going through it. If you are starting to feel very down and depressed, or anxious, or scared (more than usual), you should seek professional help. Talking it out with someone who won’t judge you can be very helpful.

Be there for one another!

We all want to be strong and stick together, so check in on your friends and family.

Some of your friends and family may be overwhelmed but won’t voice their personal concerns to anyone. So take the time to check in with them to see how they’re being affected by this. It is a lot to take in during the first half of 2020. This is halftime! So rally your team up, give that pep talk, ground yourselves, and get back in the game stronger.

8 Ways to Calm When When Anxiety Attacks

Your nerves start shaking, your palms are sweating, and your heart is racing. You don’t always have to suffer through anxiety when it decides to overwhelm you. Take charge of it, and be productive.

Anxiety is nothing new to me. I’ve always put so much pressure on myself, and life has been very overwhelming. I remember when I was in high school, I was sitting in my science class and my boyfriend at the time laughed because I got a B+ on a test. I didn’t find it amusing. I started crying in the middle of class because I had put so much pressure on myself to achieve perfection, that being even slightly off mark made my nerves twitch.

After my brother passed away, I had more and more difficulty concentrating in school and I became more and more rebellious. It came to a point where I completely withdrew from my social circles. After my best friend Jacob passed away, I remember being at home and suddenly freaking out. My boyfriend at the time was on Skype and didn’t know what to do. So I got my mom on the phone and she called for an ambulance to come check on me. They took me into the clinic via ambulance and it came down to me having an anxiety attack. Those happen often. My breath gets knocked out of my chest, and my lungs seem to shrivel up to the a size of an infant’s. Beads of sweat start dripping down my face and my back. My hands get cold and clammy. Tunnel vision in full effect as my head gets dizzy. Anxiety attacks are never fun - but you don’t have to get to that point! Here are some tips that I’ve learned over the years to help prevent an attack once you start getting that aura.

Find peace in chaos

1. Deep breathing and muscle relaxation (AKA Meditation!) - The first thing that Sean usually makes me do is breathe with him. When he’s with me, he places my hand on his chest so I can feel him breathing slowly and I try to match it. When he isn’t there to do that with me, I use my watch to help queue my breathing. Another helpful app that I’ve used is Headspace! You can choose the length, and I only have the initial free version and it works just fine for me. When I was working with my mental health specialist, she taught me to contract parts of my body one at a time, and then release after a deep breath. This helps the body feel naturally relaxed because you’re tensing up. It doesn’t work for everyone, but it’s always worth a try.

2. Working out - Instead of relaxing your muscles, you can go and get a good pump in! This is my number one, sure fire anxiety attack prevention. I know it seems butt-backwards to take a scoop of pre-workout and pumpers while trying to prevent an anxiety attack, but once I get into the gym and start lifting, my focus is unbreakable. It’s the only place where I have a one track mind. This helps your body release natural endorphins that make you happy!

3. Go-All-Out Bubble Baths with a nice glass of wine - Traveling in the opposite direction again towards relaxing. I love it when Sean and I go to Lush and buy bath bombs. I don’t take very many bubble baths, but I always go all out when I do. I pour a glass of red wine, play chill music, and let the bubbles eat away at my troubles. Sitting in the warmth just helps to relax any kind of tension in my body, and I always feel like I can take a nap afterwards!

4. Using your phone-a-friend token - When I get really overwhelmed, I always cash in my phone-a-friend token, and it’s usually to my girlfriend Susanna or my hombre Stacy. Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you and help talk you through it. There’s nothing better than feeling like someone is there for you even when you’re in your lowest moments. The biggest thing to remember is that you don’t have to carry the weight on your own.

5. Having a 10-minute dance party to your favorite throwback jams - This is definitely self-explanatory. Screw that 10-second dance party crap from Grey’s Anatomy! Throw on your favorite throwback album, jam out. Do your 1-2 step, get crunk, shake ya’ tailfeather girl, I see you over there!

6. Going out to a café with a good book or your headphones and enjoying a cup of coffee - I find that I’m always calm when I can sit in a café with my headphones on, a caramel macchiato, and my laptop just browsing other blogs. There’s something comforting about being surrounded by people but not knowing anyone. Everyone is there just minding their own business, but they’re all participating in the same activity of sitting in that café. I could sit in a café for hours if I could.

7. Animal therapy - Like I said in my first blog post, my anxiety seems to dissipate the second that I touch my dog Okami. Read my blog here about how Okami helped me out so well. It’s the most comforting thing to know that she will give me unconditional love. No matter how long I am gone, no matter what I look like, no matter how I do at work, she will always love me for who I am. Animals seem to understand us more than we give them credit for.

8. Get out and TRAVEL! - This may be an expensive way to get away from your anxiety, but it definitely works for me. Every time I feel like I have a lot of built up stress, I find a cheap ticket to a place I’ve never been before and I emerge myself in another culture. Traveling doesn’t always have to be expensive either, it can be to the next city over for a daytrip. I guess this only works if being in an unfamiliar place isn’t something that makes you anxious though.

There are so many things that you can do to relieve your stress. Some people love to be loud and boisterous to get their nerves shaken up, others like to be calm and quiet. Some people can knit for hours, and others play video games. As long as it works for you, keep doing what you do. Just remember you aren’t ever alone, though you may feel that way now.

Love, Jaclyn & Co.

Why is this world full of creepers, and how can we protect our girls from them?

  The fact that this has to be a topic of discussion on my blog disturbs me.  I had the opportunity to volunteer at Seoul American High School for their end of the year Olympic events.  I love volunteering for these field days because you get to interact with the kids and encourage healthy lifestyles.  As fun as today was, there were some heavy questions being asked by some of the moms that were also there as volunteers.  And it just so happened that later in the evening, it happened to me.

  Bad things happen to girls and boys that “aren’t careful.”  It’s a shame that we say that people need to be careful so nothing bad happens to them.  Now even though I speak from the point of view of being a female, I’m not saying that this doesn’t happen to males, because it does.  But for my post’s sake, I will only be speaking from my own point of view.

“Do these things really happen to girls? Sexual harassment?”

  It’s not that it hasn’t happened before.  There are definitely stories that have come to light where girls have been sexually harassed or sexually assaulted in the past.  It’s just now there is more awareness since the world is more connected through social media.  This darkness has been brought to the light by the internet and it isn’t pretty.  I am constantly scrolling passed posts that talk about teaching our girls how to defend themselves, telling them not to walk home alone at night, not to wear certain clothing, and to be careful with their alcohol intake when going out.  Because the world isn’t full of good people.  There are some monsters out there that could care less about the wellbeing of our girls, and that’s the ugly truth.

“How do I send my daughter off to college knowing things like this happen?”

  Everyone wants to protect their daughters, sisters, or even just friends, but we can’t always be there for them 24/7.  My biggest advice to this mom was to raise her daughter to be self-aware and to be smart.  Be open to talking to her about things that make you uncomfortable, like drugs and sex.  The more aware children are about these things, the less likely they are to partake if they know something negative could happen from it.  Like drinking and driving, unprotected sex, or harder drugs can lead to life changing events.

  When I was in college, I had to learn the hard way that not everyone you met could be trusted.  There were people who were out on a mission, on a hunt, to find someone to take home at night.  If I hadn’t had my friends, I would’ve ended up being in a lot of really bad positions.  It’s not a joke.  These things happen, and you have to have those uncomfortable conversations.  Make sure you can trust who you go out with, and make sure there’s always a codeword that you can use if you feel uncomfortable.  It’s so sad that this has to be a thing that we do…

My experience in the gym today definitely verified that there are creeps out there

  One of the things I told the mom’s to do is to get their daughters active in sports or physical activity.  Making sure that they’re living an active lifestyle helps keep them on track toward a healthy lifestyle.  One of the mom’s stated that she enrolled her daughter in martial arts because she wants to make sure her daughter knows how to defend herself if anything were to happen.  This mom asked me if I had experienced any type of sexual harassment or assault, and sadly, I have.

  Much worse has happened to me in the past, but today, after talking to these mom’s, I’ve realized that even on post I’m surrounded by creepers.  I was minding my own business in the gym today.  I normally go in the evenings because there’s less people there since it’s after the post-work rush, but today I decided to go in a little earlier.  The gym was packed full, so I found myself a little corner in the mat room and continued my workout there.  About halfway into my workout, I heard a camera shutter.  In Korea, cellphones make shutter noises because it’s illegal to take photos of people in public without their permission.  That’s why there’s a shutter sound.

  This man was standing behind me in the mirror room while I was doing Romanian deadlifts, and he took my photo.  The angle that he had his phone at definitely showed that he wasn’t taking a selfie of himself, and even though the mirror was in front of us, I was in front of him.  I confronted him about the shutter sound and he looked like he was confused.  I had asked him if he had taken a photo of me and he denied it.  I went to a staff member to report him, and they asked to see his last photo – which was indeed, a photo of my ass.  Shit happens. I dealt with it.  They kicked him out and revoked his membership.

So what do we do about it as females?

  First, we stop tearing each other apart.  Second, we look out for each other instead.  Mentor younger girls to be smart, strong, and confident.  Fix each other’s crowns when they’re crooked.  Save a girl when you see that she’s in need of help because she’s being harassed.  It starts with you.  YOU can make a difference when you see a sister in need, so be that difference.  GUIDE. Love. Heal. PROTECT.